Thursday, October 11, 2007

Today, A contacted me again. I was kinda hoping for a break and I got a bit of one, but all good things come to an end, I suppose. It's ironic, because just this morning, I noted to a friend that I was amused that A was blocking me on the work IM system. I shared my thoughts with him that I thought it was ironic that she was blocking me--given that I had only attempted to contact her once, to give her a gift. All other contact between us has been initiated by her, so you can see the irony that she blocked me on the work IM.

I tried to be professional toward her (after all, it was work), and then sent her a personal text message. I asked politely that she send any requests for help or information through her boss, couching it as a personal request. Naturally, after I asked her to leave me alone, she sent two more text messages... The second one was kind of sad. She asked if I ever wanted to be her friend, that it felt like I hated her and that hurt her feelings. For the record, I don't hate her, I just can't get enough space or distance from the relationship--with all its trouble--for me. All the contacts have pretty much been her wanting something from me, things I can no longer give. This is not friendship. Until she gives me real distance, I'm going to remain silent.

CDs listened to today:

  • Gunther Schuller: Eine Kleine Posaunenmusik
  • Supreme Beings Of Leisure: (eponymous)
  • Samba Mapalanga: Ujumbe
  • Igor Stravinsky: Symphony Of Psalms
  • Various Artists: Hurricane Zouk
  • Alban Berg: Lulu Suite
  • Allan Blank: Concerto for Clarinet and String Orchestra
  • Bill Watrous: Bone-ified

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

CDs listened to today:

  • Sergei Kalinnikov: Symphony No. 1
  • George Michael: Listen Without Prejudice, Vol. 1
  • Hebert Vazquez: String Quartet No. 1
  • Olivier Messiaen: Catalogue d'Oiseaux, disk 2 (Peter Hill, piano)
  • The Persuasions: Street Corner Symphony
  • Dafnis Prieto: Absolute Quintet
  • Sergei Prokofiev: Symphony No. 1
  • Save Ferris: It Means Everything
  • Ellen Taaffe Zwilich: Symphony No. 2, "Cello"

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

CDs listened to today:

  • The Interpreters: Back In The U.S.S.A.
  • The Annuals: Be He Me

Monday, October 08, 2007

CDs listened to today:

  • Eric Ewazen: Sonata for Trombone (Steve Witser, trombone)

Sunday, October 07, 2007

CDs listened to today:

  • Fishbone: The Reality Of My Surroundings

Saturday, October 06, 2007

CDs listened to today:

  • Olivier Messiaen: Saint François d'Assise
  • Louis Calabro: Sonata-Fantasia
  • Lightning Bolt: Hypermagic Mountain

Friday, October 05, 2007

CDs listened to today:

  • John Abercrombie: November
  • Johan de Meij: T-bone Concerto
  • Ludwig van Beethoven: The Symphonies, disk 1 (Sir Georg Solti conducting)
  • Nick Cave: Nocturama
  • Charles Tolliver Big Band: With Love
  • Lightning Bolt: Hypermagic Mountain

Thursday, October 04, 2007

CDs listened to today:

  • Tom Scott: Bebop United
  • Alban Berg: Lulu Suite
  • My Morning Jacket: Z
  • Jesus Guridi: Sinfonia Pirenaica
  • stellastarr*: (eponymous)
  • Gyorgy Ligeti: Requiem
  • Bela Bartok: The Miraculous Mandarin
  • Lightning Bolt: Hypermagic Mountain

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

CDs listened to today:

  • Arnold Schoenberg: Verklärte Nacht (Orpheus Chamber Orchestra)
  • Various Artists: The K & D Sessions, disk 2
  • Ellen Taaffe Zwilich: Symphony No. 2, "Cello"
  • Igor Stravinsky: Le Sacre du Printemps
  • The White Stripes: Elephant
  • stellastarr*: (eponymous)
  • Samba Mapalanga: Ujumbe
  • Gyorgy Ligeti: Requiem
  • Arnold Schoenberg: Kammersymphonie
  • Lightning Bolt: Hypermagic Mountain

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Today, I really felt like I reached my limit. It's been nearly three-and-a-half weeks since I broke things off with A, and she has contacted me an average of once per day. I really need some psychic space from her and I'm not getting it. Instead, I get a combination of requests to be her support staff (as if we were still an item), insults, and not-so-subtle notifications about her love life. Phone calls, MySpace bulletins, emails, text messages, instant messages--she's doing it all! I tried to be caring and patient with the requests for help, even when they were mixed with nasty comments. I reminded myself she's feeling the same absence, the same missing presence in her life and that the contact helped ease those feelings. I tried to maintain a friendly demeanor until I got horribly assaultive IMs and emails, clearly calculated to hurt my feelings.

All of this is leaving me feeling very fragile and on edge emotionally. It's as if we never broke up, given the amount of contact. I have made a lot of efforts to give myself space, replying only in the most limited manners and all while trying to be courteous. I definitely replied in kind from the nasty IM, but apologized, only to receive a horrible, cruel email, clearly written to wound. I regret the IM, that's for sure. But I also regret that, during this period, I was foolish enough to send her a gift of music files when I had a sentimental moment. The email I sent with it asked that she not respond--she responded twice. Today, she contacted me at work on a trivial pretext and I tried to beg off--only to get three additional emails. Then when I get home, a fifth message in my personal personal email, asking if we were going to be friends or not.

This is friendship? When do I get space and something friendly rather than attacks, thinly veiled "innocent" jabs and constant requests for help? I'm no longer going to respond to her at all.

This is miserable and I need to move forward without her. I want to move forward without her.

CDs listened to today:

  • Hebert Vazquez: String Quartet No. 1
  • Sergei Prokofiev: Sonata for Piano Nos. 9 & 10
  • Teenage Fanclub: Thirteen
  • Dafnis Prieto: Absolute Quintet

Monday, October 01, 2007

CDs listened to today:

  • Mauricio Kagel: Piano Trio No. 1
  • Phantom Planet: The Guest
  • The Annuals: Be He Me
  • Olivier Messiaen: Catalogue d'Oiseaux, disk 1 (Peter Hill, piano)
  • Seal: (eponymous, 1991)
  • stellastarr*: (eponymous)

Sunday, September 30, 2007

CDs listened to today:

  • Modest Mouse: Good News For People Who Love Bad News

Saturday, September 29, 2007

CDs listened to today:

  • Jay-Z: The Black Album
  • Charles Tolliver Big Band: With Love
  • Eric Ewazen: Sonata for Trombone (Joseph Alessi, trombone)

Friday, September 28, 2007

CDs listened to today:

  • Johan de Meij: T-bone Concerto
  • Olivier Messiaen: Saint François d'Assise
  • stellastarr*: (eponymous)
  • John Cage: Thirty Pieces for String Quartet

Thursday, September 27, 2007

CDs listened to today:

  • My Morning Jacket: Z
  • Jesus Guridi: Sinfonia Pirenaica
  • Bela Bartok: Divertimento
  • The Charlatans: Up To Our Hips
  • Tom Scott: Bebop United
  • stellastarr*: (eponymous)
  • Ludwig van Beethoven: The Symphonies, disk 5 (Sir Roger Norrington conducting)
  • Gyorgy Ligeti: Requiem
  • Foo Fighters: (eponymous)

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

CDs listened to today:

  • Weezer: (eponymous blue album)
  • Ellen Taaffe Zwilich: Symphony No. 2, "Cello"
  • Maurice Ohana; Tombeau de Claude Debussy
  • Samba Mapalanga: Ujumbe
  • Alban Berg: Lulu Suite
  • Jesus Guridi: Sinfonia Pirenaica

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

CDs listened to today:

  • Ted Leo & The Pharmacists: Shake The Sheets
  • Hebert Vazquez: String Quartet No. 1
  • Arnold Schoenberg: Verklärte Nacht (Herbert von Karajan conducting)
  • Various Artists: The K & D Sessions, disk 1
  • Dafnis Prieto: Absolute Quintet
  • Jesus Guridi: Sinfonia Pirenaica
  • Igor Stravinsky: Le Rossignol

Monday, September 24, 2007

CDs listened to today:

  • Olivier Messiaen: Saint François d'Assise
  • The Annuals: Be He Me
  • My Morning Jacket: Z
  • Sergei Prokofiev: Sonata for Piano Nos. 6-8, disk 2
  • Jesus Guridi: Sinfonia Pirenaica

Sunday, September 23, 2007

So, the story of racial conflict in Jena, Louisiana (pronounced JEE-nuh) broke open this past week as a huge number of protesters marched in the town.

The roots of the conflict--aside from America's long, troubled history of race relations--appear to be a dispute over an old oak tree on the local high school grounds. Traditionally, white students thought of the tree as theirs to hang out under. Well, it's Louisiana, so it almost goes without saying that if white students hang out there and it's a tradition, black students aren't welcome. Apparently, the tree was called the "white tree".

Well, the current trouble begins, according to news reports, when the black kids appealed to the high school principle that they wanted to be able to gather under the tree, too. He may be the only one in this story worthy of praise, he simply told the kids to go ahead. I say he "may" be due for praise; it's hard to know if he should have anticipated the trouble this would cause. So, a black kid sat under the tree. The next morning, a clutch of replica nooses are dangling from the tree.

You don't exactly have to know a lot about these things to guess that racial tensions in the school skyrocketed from what was not doubt the usual simmer to a full, rolling boil. The school destroyed the tree, but that wasn't a cure. Eventually, harsh language and ugly exchanges occured. This culminated in an ugly confrontation on school grounds. A white boy was severely beaten and six black students were arrested and charged, some with attempted second-degree murder. Witnesses report the assault had no immediate provocation, that the boy was blindsided by the assailants.

None of this is good news, but then the national groups got involved. they are calling the six defendants the "Jena Six" as if this is a civil rights story. It was about civil rights and all that when it was about the tree and the nooses, no doubt. It stopped being about civil rights when an unconscious boy was rushed to the hospital. Now it's about justice and violence.

These boys are presumed innocent, but no matter who beat that young man, nobody is saying he deserved it, or even that he put up those nooses. Maybe he did put up the nooses, but that still doesn't mean the beating was justified or lawful. Perhaps the young man is guilty of some form of intimidation. It's still legal to call people names although I imagine nooses are a form of threat and illegal as such (Sep 27 note: the Jena DA and US Attorney in Louisiana have determined that the nooses weren't illegal. It's worth noting that the US Attorney is black).

Here are my complaints: Why are the national groups protesting the criminal charges? Only one child was put in the hospital, despite reports of other scuffles. This isn't a bloody nose, this was a horrific beating. How would Martin Luther King view this? That we should protest criminal charges when it's clear there was a brutal beating? But I have more: Why second-degree murder? This was an ugly thing, but murder? What evidence of intent? Why adult charges for the minors? What about the reported beating of a black boy at a party? Why no charges for his assailants?

Lastly, why protest the charges for the student who was not a minor at the time of the assault. According to published reports, this is not his first criminal offense and he led the attack. How can this young man be allowed to go free when he is committing the exact same crimes that used to be the exclusive domain of Louisiana's whites? I guess that is a form of racial progress in the South, that racially-motivated violence is excused because the victim "deserved it". No matter what color the attacker and victim are…

Leave me out of this one, please. Let me know when all violent offenses are prosecuted without protest.

CDs listened to today:

  • Liz Phair: Whip-Smart
  • Olivier Messiaen: Catalogue d'Oiseaux, disk 3 (Hakan Austbo, piano)
  • The Sea And Cake: The Fawn

Saturday, September 22, 2007

CDs listened to today:

  • Johan de Meij: T-bone Concerto
  • Eric Ewazen: Concerto for Bass Trombone and Wind Ensemble
  • MJ Cole: Sincere
  • Charles Tolliver Big Band: With Love
  • Simon Jeffes: 'Still Life' at the Penguin Café
  • My Morning Jacket: Z