Today is one of the hardest days of my adult life.

I had to break things off with A. It's been a very hard decision to make, given all her good qualities, but the foundations of our relationship are far from solid. Given the deliberations, I have a very clear set of reasons, but I can't share them. She didn't ask me about why, so I don't get to tell anybody about how this relationship has failed to fulfill me. Dumping her without a clearly articulated reason seems heartless and callous. I suppose what would be truly heartless and callous would be announcing our issues to anybody but her.

So I'm miserable in silence. It's really not right, in my view, to whine about feeling this way when I'm the one who chose to break things off. I already miss her terribly, but this was the right decision. I've never felt so cruel in my life.


CDs listened to today:

• Save Ferris: It Means Everything
• Charles Tolliver Big Band: With Love
• John Prescott: Suite for Alto Trombone
• Talking Heads: Naked
• Arnold Schoenberg: Suite for Piano