CD review time again!

I don't recall from whom I bought The Annuals' Be He Me, but I remember why. I hadn't bought much besides jazz CDs for my "not classical" purchases for a while (I actually make a habit of buying half classical, half not-classical disks--pop CDs, I usually call them) and I was tired of it. Still, I'd been conservative about the pop CDs at the time, waiting to hear a few songs thoroughly before deciding on my purchase. That wasn't working because all the disks I had auditioned had been disappointments. It's that sort of conservative, wait-and-see approach that left me buying the more-reliable jazz artists. I knew that, so I did what has rewarded me in the past: look for an unheard recent release that's getting a lot of critical buzz. It may have been a visit to AllMusic.com or the New York Times online where I found the inspiration to get The Annuals' CD, I really don't recall.

I'm pretty happy I made this decision to buy Be He Me. It's not a recording for the ages, it's not exciting enough to meet that high standard, but it's very satisfying. The band's sound is flexible, blending piano, guitar and atmospheric electronics with mostly mid-tempo or slower tunes--more acoustic guitars and piano than electric choices. When they do choose to make more rhythmic tunes, the funk is a bit slow and graceful. You won't find jackhammer tempos, or much histrionic singing! Like Spoon, a similar-sounding bad, the melodies are singable, which is a strength. Still, the singer, Adam Baker, is not exactly secure in his voice (a common failing in what the pop-music press call "indie" bands), which is a weakness, but not a failing, considering the somewhat detached mood that wraps around most of this album. And it's that remote emotional tone that keeps this album from matching the brilliance of an act like Spoon. Consistency is nice when the tunes are so pleasing, but these guys need to shake things up with a little excitement to reach full potential.

7 out of 10

CDs listened to today:

• Shulamit Ran: O the Chimneys
• The Sea and Cake: The Fawn
• My Morning Jacket: Z
• William Schuman: Symphony No. 3
• Talking Heads: Remain In Light
• Esa-Pekka Salonen: L.A. Variations
  
• Jesus Guridi: Sinfonia Pirenaica
• Matias Aguayo: Are You Really Lost
  
• Yoshihisa Taïra: Hiérophonie
  

It's like magical thinking!

I've been keeping an eye on the presidential candidates. Like most people, I remain dismayed by the rhetoric. The worst is how the Republicans all kowtow to their radical tax agenda. They all claim tax cuts stimulate economic growth, which is not entirely untrue. Taxes soak up investment money. But government deficit spending inhibits growth by soaking up lending capital that should be reserved to allow businesses to borrow and grow. Now, the biggest player in the world bond markets isn't American business, it's the American government, meaning that the government competes with businesses for investment capital.

How does business fare in this situation? Well, this is America, so they do OK, but they certainly have to pay higher rates for bonds and loans than they would if the US government weren't soaking up a half-trillion dollars in loans per year. A balanced federal budget may mean higher taxes for businesses and investors, but it also means that businesses don't compete with the thousand-pound gorilla known as Uncle Sam in the bond market. The long-term government debt also means the deficits will affect our children's ability to have lower taxes. After all, this deficit spending is really a form of tax on the next generation since they won't be able to reduce their own tax levies while they pay the debt.

So what will The Right do about the deficit they've built over the last six-and-a-half years? Just listen to the presidential candidates to find out: cut taxes! At the very least, they'll defend against any tax increases by squawking "tax-and-spend liberal!" As I've said before, this is the same level of rhetoric you get from a headache remedy commercial on TV: "Head On! Apply directly to the forehead!"

"Tax and spend! Tax and spend!"

I don't know what's worse: the pathetic inability of the opposition party to counter this toothpaste-commercial level of complexity or the mainstream media's fear of revealing this stupid "tax-and-spend" label for the disingenuous tactic it truly is. How about we make both sides give substantive answers to why they want to change tax policy?

CDs listened to today:

• Milli Vanilli: Girl You Know It's True
• Samba Mapalanga: Ujumbe
• Olivier Messiaen: Des Canyons aux Étoiles
• Liz Phair: Whip-Smart
• Alban Berg: Lulu-Suite
• Esa-Pekka Salonen: L.A. Variations
  

I don't mind most sports clichés.

The staid drama of the games we watch--especially the major ones like baseball, football, basketball, hockey, and even motorsports--relies on certain, recognizable situations where the fans can easily identify them to use a template to interpret and enjoy the unfolding events. The cliché of the goat who becomes the hero or the one where the aging, gimpy veteran comes off the bench to rescue the team late in the game, these are like life and are how sports becomes a mirror for what we see in our lives. Like art, sports can show us lessons for life, show us beauty, and even entertain with sudden, unexpected drama when the clichés turn themselves around.

That said, there is one statistic in team sports, especially hockey, football and baseball, that irritates me every time I hear it. "The team that scores first wins 55% of the time." Or maybe it's 60% or 70%, it seems to depend on the broadcaster and the sport. Logically, it's only slightly less obvious than "the team that scores the most points wins more often". Duh!

Consider this with pure reason, if you will. First, winning teams always score more runs/points, right? Well, if the winning team scores, say 55% of the points in your sport, isn't it likely they would score first a disproportionate amount of the time? Not only that, the team who scores first only has to make the rest of the game a tie to win, right? Geez! Let's retire that piece of brilliant analysis, OK?

CDs listened to today:

• Elliott Carter: Double Concerto for Harpsichord & Piano with Two Chamber Orchestras
• Fountains of Wayne: Welcome Interstate Managers
• Dafnis Prieto: Absolute Quintet
  
• David Finko: Viola Concerto
• Milt Jackson and Wes Montgomery: Bags Meets Wes!
• Ellen Taaffe Zwilich: Symphony No. 2, "Cello"
• Erich Korngold: Concerto for Violin and Orchestra
  

I turned down a date last night.

Sure, I wanted to have some company for a Saturday night. Who doesn't? But I have to be honest and true with others about these things and she was not really up to my standard (unemployed and didn't really appeal to me physically). She seemed bright, interesting and articulate, but with no attraction, I just didn't want to end up paying for a night out with her. I'll save my pennies for someone who interests me.

So I simply told her I had another opportunity and wished her well on the job search... Sure, that's a white lie, but telling someone you don't want to go out because you find them unappealing seems a little harsh. But I need to learn to at least expect some physical chemistry. I've tried to make things work on the appeal of the more logical elements (showing I live in my head too much) like charm or brains or even "I shouldn't be so shallow, looks aren't everything!" That doesn't work. On the other hand, it's easy to fall into the shallow, materialistic trap of needing to have a glamorous bit of eye candy where the other elements are lacking.

Man, I think too much!

CDs listened to today:

• Hebert Vazquez: String Quartet No. 1
• The Clash: Sandinista
  

CD review time!

I have now filed away Olivier Messiaen's opera, Saint François d'Assise, for long-term storage after spending a few months getting to know it. I bought it at Tower Records' going-out-of-business sale because, well, I've always loved the late Mr. Messiaen's work, but a four-disk opera set usually costs $60-$80 and I don't love opera that much. But put that same box set on sale for 60% off and my love of the Frenchman's music is able to overcome my natural resistance to opera and spending money. I'll spare you a long write-up of Mr. Messiaen's musical style and biography; you can find one here at Wikipedia if you need, but I'll help you with his name right here: It's pronounced "mess-ee-ah(n)".

Given my confession that opera isn't my thing, you may not be surprised to learn that I approach the work less as a story with a plot and dramatic movement than as a large musical work like a lengthy symphony with voices. Frankly, while I speak French, I don't typically understand the lyrics of English-language operas, let alone other tongues, due to the strained way singers mash up vowels in opera.

This is a nearly four-hour opera divided into eight scenes and obviously is about St. Francis of Assisi. So, how does it work, musically? The sound vocabulary of brittle pitched percussion sounds from the xylophone and glockenspiels, mixed with whooshing brass, crystalline strings and whirling woodwinds typical of Mr. Messiaen's works? Check. Birdsong-based melodies? Of course. Interludes of animated, herky-jerky rhythms? Yup. But is there anything special here, compared to his masterpieces like the Turangalîla-Symphonie or the Quartet for the End of Time? Not really.

It's a pleasant work that shows what a skilled musician the composer was, but the essential unity of the work is missing. There is no sense of motion or progression. Instead, each act seems static and a bit motionless, a common failing for this composer, magnified by the size of the work and the vocal melodies--which tend to be simpler than his usual instrumental tunes (Perhaps a failing of the human voice, lacking the agility and flexibility of, say, a clarinet or xylophone?). The singers all put forth a good effort, most of them are elegant and pure, reflecting the reverence the composer obviously had for the title subject and Kent Nagano conducts unobtrusively, finding a consistent tone with the Hallé Orchestra early and maintaining it throughout. Still, there are no exciting moments in this opera, no spiky outbursts of exotic birdsong and joyful, playful melodies that caper and delight like his best works. Without that sense of joy and fun, the work gets a little, well, boring.

I always find mature works by Olivier Messiaen to be deeply satisfying, perhaps that's because he clearly rooted his inspiration in a profound, mystical Catholic faith. No matter the medium, solo piano to an expanded orchestra with chorus and singers, his celebration of the unseen creator is palpable to me. Thus, while I don't find this opera to be a brilliant work, it remains a pleasure to listen to, for all the beauty you can hear from this unique voice.

7 out of 10

CDs listened to today:

• Bela Bartok: The String Quartets, disk 2
• Ryan Adams: Rock N Roll
• The Annuals: Be He Me
• Ludwig van Beethoven: The Symphonies, disk 4 (Sir Georg Solti conducting)

Definitive?

I'm as much a pop-music geek as anybody--OK, any music if you judge from my listening journal! So when I saw a mention in the newspaper about a Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame (RRHOF) "list" of the 200 definitive recordings of rock and roll, you know my list-making little heart was determined to find it right away.

So what is the "Definitive 200"? It's not a public service from the RRHOF, suggesting the 200 finest or most-influential recordings as you might expect. The link I've provided you is to the press release on the RRHOF site, rather than the official site for the Definitive 200. The official website--and the list--are provided to you by the RRHOF and the National Association of Recording Merchandisers (NARM). It's little more than the retailers' effort to get you to buy this list of 200 purchase suggestions, presumably on CD at your local brick-and-mortar music store.

Of course, given the declining health of this particular group of merchants, they didn't go to a lot of trouble to combine obscure genius with the real crown jewels of the art. Most readers will recognize 90% of the artists easily and geeks like me will know every single artist and be familiar with most of the albums. And what do you get? Some obvious choices, such as The Beatles' Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band and Nirvana's Nevermind, and some choices that are hard to explain from the RRHOF. Certain choices are hard to explain based on category alone: the blind light-classical singer, Andrea Bocelli, has his Andrea is on this list along with the orchestral soundtrack from the movie Titanic. If you know much about these things, you may also see a serious problem with the latter two titles. They're not very good music, but they are very, very popular.

While the first 20 titles on this list are at least defensible choices, my eye leaps immediately to choice #21 on the list: Come On Over by Shania Twain. This was a monster hit, naturally, and engaging as a pop-country bonbon, but #22 is the Who's legendary Who's Next. The placement here implies that the people who compiled the list saw this Shania Twain disk as better than any album ever released by Stevie Wonder, The Who, Miles Davis, Jay-Z, and Beck. There are additional titles that lead me to scratch my head on here. Kenny G and Enya both make this list, along with Celine Dion. All of these choices, plus the cast recording of the Broadway show Phantom Of The Opera, show the true motivation clearly: to remind any reader, regardless of his or her general music-listening inclinations, to run right out and consume!

This shameless list is precisely the sort of self-indictment of the major music industry components--labels, retailers, and radio--that we've come to expect from them. From their perspective, the love of music is as irrelevant to what they do as the love of good food is irrelevant to a McDonald's manager. They need to move product and it really doesn't matter if it's fries or disks. It doesn't matter if the music or fries are healthful for the soul or body, they only care if the margins are right and the volumes meet their quarterly sales goals. There's no passion or love in this industry's big players and what they sell reflects that. Nobody really gets excited about the Titanic soundtrack, do they?

Sadly, the small, independent music labels and retailers who still love this stuff and haven't forgotten about good music are tied to the same economic model. I don't think anybody knows what the next life for music recordings will look like, but it has to be an improvement over this.

CDs listened to today:

• Stephen Suber: Enchantments: Concerto for Piano and Orchestra
• Various Artists: Jump 'n' Jive
• Jesus Guridi: Sinfonia Pirenaica
• Rami Levin: Anima/Breath Of Life
• Bill Watrous: A Time For Love
• stellastarr*: (eponymous)
• Gyorgy Ligeti: Requiem
• Lightning Bolt: Hypermagic Mountain
  

I want a dog.

Or maybe a cat. No, a dog. My place is too small, I'm not home enough, I don't have a dog-friendly back yard, I'm not fond of keeping up with dog maintenance, but I still want one. My sister and her family got a white labrador retriever puppy last weekend, only seven weeks old, and the little baby is so hard to resist. Whether he's misbehaving, snoozing or being playful, he's too much fun. And that's about as parental as I get!

By the way, my musing yesterday about Ron Miles? This is why I'm so hard to buy gifts for. I bought a disk of his on Amazon.com today (OK, not actually a Ron Miles disk since the one I really wanted is out of print, but a Bill Frisell title featuring Mr. Miles). When it comes to gifts? Take me out for dinner or a strip club or laser tag or a ski day or something. I'd rather have the company than things I can buy myself…

CDs listened to today:

• Olivier Messiaen: Concert à Quatre
• Liz Phair: Exile In Guyville
• Samba Mapalanga: Ujumbe
• Shulamit Ran: Apprehensions
• Tom Scott & The LA Express: Tom Cat
• Alban Berg: Lulu Suite
• William Schuman: Concerto for Violin and Orchestra
• Talking Heads: Naked
• My Morning Jacket: Z
  

A contacted me indirectly a couple of days ago. At this point, my attitude is so far gone that even that's too much. Apparently, her almost-ten-year-old daughter announced she had emailed me and that alarmed A, so she had the friend who introduced us call to "alert" me and tell me I shouldn't respond. Maybe I'm still overly sensitive from the insults, et cetera, but I should be trusted to handle a child's email—especially since she used to trust me alone with the kids.

Her daughter is a good kid (smart like her mother, too) and that's how I'd treat her. The putative email didn't arrive, so I'm mystified about what goes on. Perhaps her daughter was simply testing her mother's reaction? Perhaps there's a way to recall emails with this particular email service? I view my relationship with any child as sacrosanct, that my role is to do my best to treat them with dignity, to honor their parents, and only interact with them in ways that will make their lives better. Yes, I sometimes fail to meet such lofty ideals, but if a child wants to reach out to me, I would respond with all the grace, honor, and respect I have. Like I always do! Because I'm not a parent, I consider a child reaching out to an unrelated adult to be a huge matter and I would never take that lightly.

On another note: I listened to Ron Miles' album, My Cruel Heart, today. Why haven't I purchased more of his disks? I always enjoy that CD tremendously.

CDs listened to today:

• Hebert Vazquez: String Quartet No. 1
• Morton Feldman: Durations
• Janet Jackson: Rhythm Nation 1814
• Dafnis Prieto: Absolute Quintet
• Peter Jona Korn: Concerto for Violin
• Ron Miles: My Cruel Heart
• Ellen Taaffe Zwilich: Symphony No. 2, "Cello"

I want a new web browser for my computer.

Each browser I've used on my computer has strengths and weaknesses, and I really wish I could get one browser that did everything the way I like. The old Mac Internet Explorer (since abandoned by Microsoft as not worth the trouble) had a wonderful scrapbook feature that reliably saved entire web pages easily and quickly. No configuring needed. Safari launches quickly and handles RSS better than the others. Nice! Opera has a great saved session feature to save a bunch of windows or tabs so I can read things later. And Firefox has the easiest tab navigation and the better Java-handling. Oh, and Mozilla is close to Firefox with Java and the interface just doesn't annoy me like the others.

Firefox wins by default...

CDs listened to today:

• Olivier Messiaen: Saint François d'Assise
• Civ: Set Your Goals
• The Annuals: Be He Me
• Elliott Carter: Concerto for Violin
• Foo Fighters: (eponymous)
  

Lance Lewis, Space Detective!

OK, so I work with a guy named Lance Lewis. I like to think I have a good working relationship with him. We were chatting a few weeks ago about names, since one of the other folks on the conference call and I had names that were unusual enough that people have troubles with them from time to time. Somehow, the conversation evolved and Lance mentioned that there was a comic book hero from the '40s who shared his name: Lance Lewis, Space Detective. Naturally, I now have to occasionally address him as "Space Detective" during busy meetings.

It's a little obnoxious and childish, doing that, so I limit myself to only using the '"title" once per week--since I'm only slightly obnoxious and childish... Right? CDs listened to today:

• Lightning Bolt: Hypermagic Mountain
• Bela Bartok: The String Quartets, disk 1
• Ace Of Base: The Sign
• Ludwig van Beethoven: The Symphonies, disk 3 (Sir Georg Solti conducting)
  

How about a CD review?

I recently filed away With Love, by the Charles Tolliver Big Band. It was a Valentine's Day gift from a former girlfriend--how could she resist the title when she saw it on my Amazon wish list? I had put it on the wish list for consideration after reading a friendly review in the New York Times online, not necessarily planning to buy it, but I do love big-band music--especially the stuff produced since the late '60s. It's a shame the disk isn't more enjoyable, since it was a very thoughtful gift and she deserved better for her efforts.

The disk begins with a big, brassy peal of trumpets offset by blaring, diving trombone counterpoint and filigreed saxophone riffs. But right away, it hits you that the big noise isn't joyous, that it carries the same, flat, one-dimensional hint of minor keys familiar from the less-than-fun world of heavy metal (where you need to be exceedingly intense and serious). The band itself is an impeccable machine, sleek and powerful as it runs through its paces: loud, soft, fast, slow, smooth, rough. Yet the arrangements seem overly bombastic and lacking variety after a while as Mr. Tolliver (trumpet soloist and writer as well as leader) never seriously changes pace with a different harmonic approach or steps away from his use of the three wind sections in blocks (trumpets, trombones, woodwinds), rather than mixing the voices for some different sounds. The band roars impressively, but never really swings, which is quite odd since the rhythm trio is plenty strong in spots. Mr. Tolliver is an odd soloist, using a blaring, smeared sound on the trumpet as he never quite seems to find a way to string together coherent phrases that are more than a few moments long. At times, he seems lost in his own arrangements, aimlessly tossing out comments as the band punches accents (and boy, can this band punch!) rather than assembling an interesting phrase that meshes. The other soloists are stronger, thankfully, and the overall sound is hard to resist, although a bit sterile like a good college ensemble rather than the more confident, loose sound of seasoned pros.

4 out of 10

CDs listened to today:

• My Morning Jacket: Z
• Norma Wendelburg: Sinfonietta
• Bill Watrous: Space Available
• Jesus Guridi: Sinfonia Pirenaica
• stellastarr*: (eponymous)
• Gyorgy Ligeti: Requiem
  

I'm not big on video content, but God help me, I laugh every time I see this one:



Now it should be clear that I'm not exactly a guy who avoids Maxim magazine...

CDs listened to today:

• Various Artists: The Jackal
  

My car's "check engine" light is on.

It's been on for a while, say, four or five months and the car is running fine. It's hard not to think of the check engine light as a a bit of a racket for the benefit of the auto manufacturers and their certified repair shops, such as dealers. I know it isn't true, but it's easy to imagine that the light is a remote-controlled device, activated by the local dealer when his repair revenues don't meet his goals. My dealer told me it would cost something like $105 to simply download and decode the error message in my car that was activating the check engine light!

I've read that you can purchase a simple interface device to view the error code yourself (the access point is under a front seat). The devices cost $20-50, then you need a subscription to a web site to have access to a lookup tool to find out what the codes mean. How on earth would I find myself paying for any of this foolishness?

Perhaps, gentle reader, you'll observe as I do, that the auto manufacturers chose not to create a check engine light function using an LED alphanumeric display. They've already designed the microprocessors with output codes, but they couldn't be bothered to create plain-English (or German, or Japanese, or whatever) results to display. After all, then I would know the difference between "gas cap sensor malfunction" and something more serious. Not profitable for the big car companies and their service partners!

CDs listened to today:

• Tom Petty: Greatest Hits
• Ellen Taaffe Zwilich: Symphony No. 2, "Cello"
• Sergei Prokofiev: Symphony No. 2
• Tom Scott: Bebop United
• Samba Mapalanga: Ujumbe
• Gunther Schuller: Symphony For Brass And Percussion
• Tackhead: Friendly As A Hand Grenade
• Alban Berg: Lulu Suite
• Steven Stucky: Nell'ombra, nella luce
  

More ruminations regarding the economics of health care tonight. A while back, my friend Mark, who's a professor at the local medical school, wrote a really good article for the local paper regarding drug companies and how much they really contribute to society and health care. His argument, in summary, is that their claims about all the benefits their research bring are not really sincere. They claim money they spend on that research is all for the drugs that save sick children, Lance Armstrong and all those nice old people in their TV ads. The truth, as Mark observes, is that most of the research money is spent trying to replicate competitors' drugs to grab the big market share afforded by blockbuster drugs like Lipitor and Viagra. He notes that most of the drugs that really, really do something new are funded by government and not the drug companies.


So, why do the big drug companies get such favorable tax treatment? Why are they shielded by the feds from competitive purchasing practices? Could it be because they are the most profitable industry in America? And you thought it was Big Oil, right? And guess which industry spends the most on lobbying Congress and campaign contributions! This is an industry that needs regulation--or, rather, deregulation where we are allowed to create purchasing combines and stop giving them ridiculous patent rules and tax breaks.

CDs listened to today:

• The Annuals: Be He Me
• Morton Feldman: Coptic Light
• INXS: Listen Like Thieves
• Hebert Vazquez: String Quartet No. 1
• Sergei Kalinnikov: Symphony No. 2
• Mighty Mighty Bosstones: Let's Face It
• Dafnis Prieto: Absolute Quintet
• Olivier Messiaen: Catalogue d'Oiseaux, disk 3 (Peter Hill, piano)
  

Our nation's health care problems continue to mount. It's overpriced, doesn't serve patients equitably, and the wrong people make money from it. I can't address every bit of it in this post, but I do want to talk about a fundamental flaw in the way we approach health insurance.

As I understand things, health insurance as an employer-provided fringe benefit is something that rose after the Second World War. Prior to that, most people didn't have health insurance. Let's consider the economics from the employer side first. To the employer, health insurance as an employee benefit is a cost. Costs are anathema to a business, so the employers would only offer this if absolutely necessary. Why offer it? To attract employees and compete for labor, of course. So, if an employer can find other ways to attract labor, he would cut health insurance, right? If you want to consider an example, see Wal-Mart. That company offers health insurance for full-time employees, so naturally Wal-Mart has a majority of part-time employees. Nice! I imagine the various ways that an employer can avoid offering health insurance are as diverse as snowflakes--no two strategies are alike.

So why are we sticking to this model of organizing health insurance around employment? There are no jobs-for-life these days, so insurance is as transient as the next job. And how are children served by a model that requires employment to get insurance? They're innocents and it's not their fault that they can't get insurance when their parents fail to. To those who say that people are responsible for getting jobs and the related insurance, I ask: "what about children?"


And what about adults? Businesses have a powerful incentive to avoid the cost of insurance for their employees, so this is a clear conflict. Adults also need the ability to change jobs without fear of losing insurance at key moments of life's journey. None of this is served by the current model, let alone the tremendous cost burden it puts on businesses when they compete against foreign businesses.

Are we really going to stick to this economic model based on some bizarre notion of "personal responsibility"?

CDs listened to today:

• Ben Folds Five: Whatever And Ever Amen

CDs listened to today:

• Elliott Carter: Concerto for Oboe
• Olivier Messiaen: Saint François d'Assise
  

My nephew's birthday is today, so we had a celebration yesterday evening. My sister arranged a party at a kind of play gym for children of all ages. It's run by a very pleasant couple who organize various home-made activites based on something like the old TV show, American Gladiators, combined with various Nickelodeon game shows. The husband leads the activities and talks a lot about physics while he explains things, trying to inject a charming "educational" element into the fun. As the adult who participated the most in the fun, I had to opt out of some of the activities that needed partners, matched by size. Still, I got to have a lot of sweaty fun with the kids, spinning and falling and running about! I'm even a little sore from the unaccustomed motions...

CDs listened to today:

• Charles Tolliver Big Band: With Love
• Ludwig van Beethoven: The Symphonies, disk 2 (Sir Georg Solti conducting)
• Charlatans: Up To Our Hips

CDs listened to today:

• Muhal Richard Abrams: Blu Blu Blu

CDs listened to today:

• My Morning Jacket: Z
• Jesus Guridi: Sinfonia Pirenaica
• stellastarr*: (eponymous)
• Gyorgy Ligeti: Requiem
• Lightning Bolt: Hypermagic Mountain
• Bela Bartok: String Quartet No. 4
• Esa-Pekka Salonen: L.A. Variations
  

Today, A contacted me again. I was kinda hoping for a break and I got a bit of one, but all good things come to an end, I suppose. It's ironic, because just this morning, I noted to a friend that I was amused that A was blocking me on the work IM system. I shared my thoughts with him that I thought it was ironic that she was blocking me--given that I had only attempted to contact her once, to give her a gift. All other contact between us has been initiated by her, so you can see the irony that she blocked me on the work IM.

I tried to be professional toward her (after all, it was work), and then sent her a personal text message. I asked politely that she send any requests for help or information through her boss, couching it as a personal request. Naturally, after I asked her to leave me alone, she sent two more text messages... The second one was kind of sad. She asked if I ever wanted to be her friend, that it felt like I hated her and that hurt her feelings. For the record, I don't hate her, I just can't get enough space or distance from the relationship--with all its trouble--for me. All the contacts have pretty much been her wanting something from me, things I can no longer give. This is not friendship. Until she gives me real distance, I'm going to remain silent.

CDs listened to today:

• Gunther Schuller: Eine Kleine Posaunenmusik
• Supreme Beings Of Leisure: (eponymous)
• Samba Mapalanga: Ujumbe
• Igor Stravinsky: Symphony Of Psalms
• Various Artists: Hurricane Zouk
• Alban Berg: Lulu Suite
• Allan Blank: Concerto for Clarinet and String Orchestra
• Bill Watrous: Bone-ified

CDs listened to today:

• Sergei Kalinnikov: Symphony No. 1
• George Michael: Listen Without Prejudice, Vol. 1
• Hebert Vazquez: String Quartet No. 1
• Olivier Messiaen: Catalogue d'Oiseaux, disk 2 (Peter Hill, piano)
• The Persuasions: Street Corner Symphony
• Dafnis Prieto: Absolute Quintet
• Sergei Prokofiev: Symphony No. 1
  
• Save Ferris: It Means Everything
• Ellen Taaffe Zwilich: Symphony No. 2, "Cello"
  

CDs listened to today:

• The Interpreters: Back In The U.S.S.A.
• The Annuals: Be He Me

CDs listened to today:

• Eric Ewazen: Sonata for Trombone (Steve Witser, trombone)

CDs listened to today:

• Fishbone: The Reality Of My Surroundings

CDs listened to today:

• Olivier Messiaen: Saint François d'Assise
• Louis Calabro: Sonata-Fantasia
• Lightning Bolt: Hypermagic Mountain
  

CDs listened to today:

• John Abercrombie: November
• Johan de Meij: T-bone Concerto
• Ludwig van Beethoven: The Symphonies, disk 1 (Sir Georg Solti conducting)
• Nick Cave: Nocturama
• Charles Tolliver Big Band: With Love
• Lightning Bolt: Hypermagic Mountain
  

CDs listened to today:

• Tom Scott: Bebop United
• Alban Berg: Lulu Suite
• My Morning Jacket: Z
• Jesus Guridi: Sinfonia Pirenaica
• stellastarr*: (eponymous)
• Gyorgy Ligeti: Requiem
• Bela Bartok: The Miraculous Mandarin
• Lightning Bolt: Hypermagic Mountain
  

CDs listened to today:

• Arnold Schoenberg: Verklärte Nacht (Orpheus Chamber Orchestra)
• Various Artists: The K & D Sessions, disk 2
• Ellen Taaffe Zwilich: Symphony No. 2, "Cello"
• Igor Stravinsky: Le Sacre du Printemps
• The White Stripes: Elephant
• stellastarr*: (eponymous)
• Samba Mapalanga: Ujumbe
• Gyorgy Ligeti: Requiem
• Arnold Schoenberg: Kammersymphonie
• Lightning Bolt: Hypermagic Mountain
  

Today, I really felt like I reached my limit. It's been nearly three-and-a-half weeks since I broke things off with A, and she has contacted me an average of once per day. I really need some psychic space from her and I'm not getting it. Instead, I get a combination of requests to be her support staff (as if we were still an item), insults, and not-so-subtle notifications about her love life. Phone calls, MySpace bulletins, emails, text messages, instant messages--she's doing it all! I tried to be caring and patient with the requests for help, even when they were mixed with nasty comments. I reminded myself she's feeling the same absence, the same missing presence in her life and that the contact helped ease those feelings. I tried to maintain a friendly demeanor until I got horribly assaultive IMs and emails, clearly calculated to hurt my feelings.

All of this is leaving me feeling very fragile and on edge emotionally. It's as if we never broke up, given the amount of contact. I have made a lot of efforts to give myself space, replying only in the most limited manners and all while trying to be courteous. I definitely replied in kind from the nasty IM, but apologized, only to receive a horrible, cruel email, clearly written to wound. I regret the IM, that's for sure. But I also regret that, during this period, I was foolish enough to send her a gift of music files when I had a sentimental moment. The email I sent with it asked that she not respond--she responded twice. Today, she contacted me at work on a trivial pretext and I tried to beg off--only to get three additional emails. Then when I get home, a fifth message in my personal personal email, asking if we were going to be friends or not.

This is friendship? When do I get space and something friendly rather than attacks, thinly veiled "innocent" jabs and constant requests for help? I'm no longer going to respond to her at all.

This is miserable and I need to move forward without her. I want to move forward without her.

CDs listened to today:

• Hebert Vazquez: String Quartet No. 1
• Sergei Prokofiev: Sonata for Piano Nos. 9 & 10
• Teenage Fanclub: Thirteen
• Dafnis Prieto: Absolute Quintet
  

CDs listened to today:

• Mauricio Kagel: Piano Trio No. 1
• Phantom Planet: The Guest
• The Annuals: Be He Me
• Olivier Messiaen: Catalogue d'Oiseaux, disk 1 (Peter Hill, piano)
• Seal: (eponymous, 1991)
• stellastarr*: (eponymous)