10 Things You Don't Know About Men

(with apologies to Esquire)

1. It's true we like to be like little boys in a big part of our lives. It's not a sign of immaturity, it's a sign of freedom.
   
   
2. Don't say we're all alike--we're not! If you say that, you embarrass yourself. Can you really say that 50 Cent and Al Gore are anything alike? Really?
   
   
3. Women really hold tremendous power over us. Even gay guys are powerless before you. It's not just sex--although that is a big part for most of us--and you should respect that power.
   
   
4. Speaking of gay, most of us don't have any gay leanings. Not one bit. When you see latent homosexuality in a man, it probably says more about you than him. On the other hand, sometimes we see it, too...
   
   
5. We never fail to notice if you have visible panty lines. It doesn't matter if you're 300 pounds and look like you're wearing a bag of cats on your ass, we'll notice. It comes from a lifetime habit of checking you out and we're really not sorry.
   
   
6. Go ahead, say you like sports, that you love the Avalanche, the Rockies, or whatever. We know you don't have the same tribal, male-bonding feelings we do, even if you can tell the difference between the left-wing lock and the neutral-ice trap.
   
   
7. If you suck in bed (figuratively, not literally!), we won't tell you unless you dump us. Frankly, we got laid, so why complain?
   
   
8. Identifying yourself by what you do is existential, not shallow. But we really wish we had a cooler job (except for r kelly...).
   
   
9. Existential activities also mean we don't have to talk about it, during it, before it, or after it. We talk for different reasons than you. Stop sometimes and let us exist. We may even start talking to you about it after a while.
   
   
10. We care about fashion, decorating, cooking (well, eating), and all of that. Just not enough to learn as much as you. Does it really help you to say that "raspberry" is a different color than "cranberry"?

CDs listened to today:

• Gyorgy Ligeti: Requiem
• Lucinda Williams: Car Wheels On A Gravel Road
• Lightning Bolt: Hypermagic Mountain
• Esa-Pekka Salonen: L.A. Variations
• Ludwig van Beethoven: Concerto for Violin
  
• Matias Aguayo: Are You Really Lost
• Anthrax: State Of Euphoria