I think there should be a Wikipedia article about me.

So I've written one that I'll try to get published soon, just going to tweak it a bit. Here's the early draft (some parts of this are actually true...):

Gavin: Inventor of Silly String, Most Handsome Man Alive, Legend.

Gavin lives in central Denver. Quietly employed in the telecommunications industry, he still finds time to rescue dolphins, publish a brilliant blog, and lead an opera company while serving as artistic director for two internationally-known orchestras.

Born in New England, Gavin came to the world on a spring day of great note. Tales of the day indicate a rainbow appeared in clear skies and flocks of songbirds came to the hospital to greet the momentous birth.

A brilliant student and talented young musician, Gavin studied the trombone and tuba. While he was an undisciplined student, he achieved a B.A. in Philosophy while making the dean's list eight straight times.

He then began a legendary series of exploits that are the core of his fame:

• Conquest of Canada: He conquered Canada twice, returning the nation's territory to its people the first time after learning that Canadians frequently eat a kind of fern called a "fiddlehead" and the second time after a fit of boredom brought on by a visit to Nunavut.
• Discovery of the Hidden Secrets of Failed Brownies: The key discovery is that brownies have moral standards and are sensitive to the moral failings of the baker. He also discovered that certain techniques make the brownies increasingly sensitive to the moral peccadilloes of the baker (the most important, from least sensitive to most: chocolate chips, nuts, and frosting). His continuing work in the field has also recently revealed that, since peanuts are not technically nuts, they are less risky than walnuts and pecans in the area of moral sensitivity.
• Industrial Research: In addition to his development of silly string, Gavin is also credited with the creation of Allen wrenches (but not the bolts) and electric socks.
• Culinary Achievements: Gavin has developed six varieties of cheese, all critically acclaimed. He is also known as the inventor of candy cinnamon bears.
• Literary Achievements: In addition to his renowned semi-autobiographical novel series, "Saviour of the Universe", Gavin has published numerous epic poems and science fiction short stories. Without exception, the works have been hailed as "genius" by critics and his blog remains required reading for discriminating cognoscenti worldwide.
• Music: While no longer active as a performer, Gavin's tuba-playing is still fondly remembered by all who hear him. His work on the tenor tuba was said to make all who heard it weep with joy. His stylish performances on the trombone are still considered the standard for the instrument.

Gavin has been the recipient of numerous awards. The most notable include:

• Six-time winner of the world's most handsome man
• Twice named funniest visitor to Canada, despite the brutal conquest and occupation of Winnipeg
• Voted "best husband material" by the American Association of Mothers of Hot Daughters
• Named "most charming smile" twice in Witch Weekly (Observers note that, if not for Professor Gilderoy Lockhart, Gavin would have likely won at least six of these accolades. Sadly, Professor Lockhart's terrible accident of a few years ago has put to rest the speculation about which celebrity has the most charming smile.)
  

Gavin's current pursuits are a source of constant fascination to the news media and his exploits frequently bump Britney Spears' disturbing story from the tabloids' front pages. Recent reports state:

• Shocked reports circulate that he is no longer seeing anyone romantically and is clearly emotionally available. Most experts agree that Gavin is simply far too great a catch for this to be true.
• Gales of laughter in his presence indicate his wit is as sharp as it has ever been, perhaps even better than the legendary conference call of 2005, when six people were reported to have laughed until their heads actually fell off. All six died instantly.
• His continuing interest in cycling has led to rumors that he will again return to Europe to cycle the Alps or Pyrenees. Millions of European women have signed petitions begging him to return. The petitions all complain that Lance Armstrong was clearly an inferior cyclist and lacked Gavin's considerable personal warmth and charm. Recent news reports reveal that the Swiss government is threatening to forcibly annex any nation that hosts Gavin on a bicycle ride, in the knowledge that in doing so, the prosperity and happiness that all citizens feel during a Gavin visit will immediately be felt by all Swiss citizens (after Gavin visited Spain for two hours, the GDP rose 6%, fertility rates rose 4.5% and crime fell 18% in that nation).
  

CDs listened to today:

• Arild Plau: Concerto For Tuba And Orchestra
• Various Artists: The Rough Guide To Bhangra
• Bill Watrous: Manhattan Wildlife Refuge
• William Schuman: Symphony No. 9
• Deee-Lite: Groove Is In The Heart
• EMF: Unbelievable